Why Women Wait 7 Years Before SeekingHelp for Their Incontinence

Many women live in silence with urinary incontinence for years. In fact, on average they wait about 7 years before they seek help! That delay isn't because it's not “that bad” or because there are no solutions. It's usually the result of complex mix of stigma, misinformation, and practical barriers. Here is a closer look at why so many women wait for so long.

Shame, stigma, and embarrassment

Sadly, talking about urine is still taboo. Urinary incontinence touches on two very private areas; the bladder and the genitals. Many women feel deeply embarrassed about leaking. They fear that they will smell like urine or that they will have an accident in public. This feeds anxiety about being embarrassed or being judged as old or unhygienic.  

These feelings lead some woman to hide it from close friends and family and even from their partners. They may see incontinence as a private matter not to be discussed, even with doctors. So, they avoid mentioning it during medical visits, especially if the appointment is for something else. Or they simply downplay it as “just a little leak now and then” even when it's become quite severe. Shame is the strongest silencer.If simply saying the words feels humiliating asking for help can feel almost impossible.

Gradual onset leads to minimizing symptoms

Urinary incontinence usually doesn't appear overnight, and slow changes are easier to dismiss. It might start as a few drops when sneezing or laughing, or occasional urgency when trying to unlock the door. Or it might be bedtime trips to the bathroom that slowly increase over time. Because the change is gradual women often justify the situation by minimizing it. By the time they realize how much it's affecting their life through causing them to avoid exercise, travel, social events, or intimacy, years may have passed.

Prioritizing others needs

Women commonly juggle many responsibilities that may include care for children or grandchildren. Or they may need to care for aging parents or ill family members. They have careers and household responsibilities as well. Under such circumstances, personal issues that aren't life threatening tend to drop to the bottom. Incontinence is rarely seen as urgent, until it starts to dictate clothing choices, daily routes (bathroom mapping), social plans, or sexual relationships. By then many years of coping have already gone by.

“This is just part of being a woman”

The stigma around urinary incontinence linked with the tendency to downplay it, have led to a common myth that leakage is a normal part of being a woman. Consequently, from an early age, many women have heard things like, “you'll leak after kids that's just how it is” or “Welcome to the club, once you get older, your bladder goes”.

When leakage is framed as inevitable, women tend to assume that it's a normal part of childbirth, aging, or menopause. Instead of thinking, “I have a medical condition” they think this is just my new normal. That mindset alone can postpone help seeking for years. It is reinforced by a related fallacy, that nothing can really be done about it.

Lack of awareness that effective treatments are available

The myth that urine leakage is normal has fed the misconception that there is no effective treatment. Many women believe that pads, liners, and dark clothing are the only solutions, not recognizing that there are options beyond pads.

In reality, there are a whole range of treatments available, including conservative treatments as the first step. These include pelvic muscle exercises, bladder retraining, behavioral strategies, and devices. There are medications that work for some women as well. For the segment of women that don’t get relief from conservative therapy, there are more involved procedures and surgeries that are very effective. Sadly, when you don't know there are real treatments available there is little motivation to bring it up and seek treatment. Instead, you endure, adapt, and delay.

Past Experiences with Healthcare

The misconception that there are not effective treatments for urinary incontinence can unfortunately, be fed by family physicians who are not trained in diagnosing and treating urinary incontinence. They may actually shrug and say, “Well that’s normal after having kids”, or “You will just have to get used to it”, or“Just do some Kegels”. When your concerns are brushed off like this it discourages you from bringing up leakage at future visits as you assume that no further help is available. Instead, you feel like you're just complaining about something trivial. The past experiences of not being heard, especially around intimate issues like leakage, build strong barriers for those seeking help again.

Practical Barriers

Then there are the practical barriers if your incontinence gets so bothersome that you do decide to seek care anyway.  For example, limited appointment availability or long waits to see a specialist. Lack of nearby pelvic floor physical therapists or urogynecologists. Insurance coverage issues or out of pocket costs. Difficulty taking time off work or finding childcare. These are real obstacles and when combined with the belief that incontinence is just a nuisance, they push action further down the calendar, often for years.

Waiting is not necessary

The biggest tragedy of the seven-year delay is that urinary incontinence is treatable, and in the majority of cases, without surgery. Getting help starts with finding a provider that understands urinary incontinence. They should have experience in treating urologic issues and have access to the proper diagnostic tools and conservative treatments including, behavioral therapy, lifestyle adjustments, pelvic floor physical therapy, medications and devices when appropriate. And ideally, they should be available in an easily accessible and affordable circumstance that offers you privacy and convenience.

You can now access this care from your home through a virtual visit at Dry Days Health.

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